I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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