My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
