mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize