2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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