I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
