I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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