she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
