Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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