I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
