I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
