It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
