you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
