hell yes lets make some ravioli
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
