Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
