I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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