Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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