I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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