mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
