Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
