did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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