What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
