watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's never too late to be topless.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
