one two three fourrrrnication!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
