So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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