apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
