3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
