Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
