If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize