No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
