I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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