she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
