You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
where are my eyebrows?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
