Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
