I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
