Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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