So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
no you cant smoke seaweed
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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