also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
