sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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