I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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