So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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