We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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