I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
