If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
