I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
