I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
