Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
