Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
