Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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