i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
