I puked a lego.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
