i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
