I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
