I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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