Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
