I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
