I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
