Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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