In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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