Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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