i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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