woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
