dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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