Whod you bang
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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